You Don't Have To Look Up At The Stars

My friend asked me to read and comment on an "Open Marriage" article. Before I launch into how I feel about it, I want to share the feedback received from polling 10 friends. Overall, the majority said "NO," they would NOT participate in an open marriage, and after commenting further, it became apparent that their opinions were clearly divided.

Those who shied away from experimenting with open marriage made a point to either strongly criticize OR strongly defend couples who tried it out. While some believe that the decision is unique for each individual and should not be judged either way, an alleged "hopeless romantic" advised couples seeking to experiment outside their marriages to "not even get married" in the first place. Those who defend the idea insisted that maturity and a "strong bond" develop after a long marriage, and could, in turn, allow committed couples to mentally separate LOVE and LUST. But open marriage critics brought up FIDELITY and DISCIPLINE, claiming that "what separates us from the animals" is our ability to execute self control. From both sides of the argument, however, most admitted that bringing any comparisons into a relationship (requesting another partner, for example) will only stir up JEALOUSY. Many also mentioned INSECURITY surfacing as a result ofthe rejected partner's depleted SELF ESTEEM. That would naturally become a problem, and eventually, an imbalance within the couple would be created. About half of the males voiced inevitability (and in some cases, excitement) in regards to eventually committing ADULTERY, but none of the females who were polled (married or unmarried) brought up the DESIRE to cheat on their husbands.


As I read the article, one specific sentence stood out and made a lot of sense to me:

"Extramarital sex was not what really destroyed marriages, but rather the lies and deception that invariably accompanied it - that was the culprit."

Word. After all, the goal of a healthy union is mutual growth and elevation, not damage via deceit. And I'm realizing, more than anything else, that this topic should serve as a tool to summon awareness of other important relationship issues. For instance...

I generally come across only two kinds of people: (1) those who are afraid to fully share themselves with another, and (2) those who are so thirsty for love, their standards are either low or nonexistent. Unfortunately, neither type is attractive to me, so I can't even fathom the concept of marriage right now, let alone entertain agreed-upon adultery. However, (like some of my friends did,) I must admit that I salute couples capable of pulling this off. If your matrimonial bond is strong enough to not be affected by releasing your lust elsewhere, then who am I to judge you? I know I'd want my love to be that solid. And even though I might not be sure open marriage is for me, the kind of love that can survive extramarital sex is not necessarily one I'd be ashamed of having - unless I was cheated ON! 

For all the romantics out there who want to slap me right now because they truly believe in love and scoff at the thought of an open marriage, here's my gift to you:

>>> Justin Nozuka -"After Tonight" <<<